You can lead a horse to water, but it's damn near impossible to drown the sonofabitch! Pop Culture Quote of the Week! The first time you're called sir. Time to buy a sports car -- Mitsubishi Commercial Just remember, an SUV or a sportscar will darken your grey hair, cure baldness, and increase your penis size! Best Viewed with:

How the Grinch Stole Commercialism       I was wandering around all week trying to find something to annoy me.  I was still on a residual high from getting so drunk in Manhattan that I puked in a trashcan on the corner of 50th and 8th during rush hour.  I should have aimed for one of those yuppie fucks that were swarming around, espcialy that dork with the matching tie and suspenders.  Oh, well. I'm sure the opportunity will present itself again.       So I'm in the mall dealing with all the usual gang of fucking retards.  There is this couple with a stroller and two other kids (when will these fucks stop breeding???) that have to stop IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING HALLWAY to decide what to do next.  No, I'm not going to bitch about that.  A quick elbow to the ribs, a few obscenities, and an evil glare takes care of that.  I looked up and saw it.  It was green and hairy.  No, it wasn't the month old pizza in my fridge.  It was The Grinch!  Not the Grich from the book.  Not the Grinch from the animated special that Dr. Seuss tightly controlled.  It was the Grinch played by my least favorite butt monkey, Jim Carey.  Here is a new movie saying meaning of Christmas is not about commecialism (it is about Paganism, but I'll save that for another rant) that has product tie-ins with everything possible.  Grinch plushies, Grinch Beenie Babies, Grinch condoms, Grich butt plugs...  I'm waiting for them to start selling Who Hash at Wendy's.  What pisses me off even more is the fact that people buy this shit!  It's the same retards who buy SUVs and get dressed up in hiking gear to go to the local Starbucks drive-thru.  The Dr. Seuss story is the complete antithesis of this kind of 'happines can be bought' thinking (I know for a fact it can be drunk from a bottle!).  Dr. Seuss is dead, must they fuck his corpse?  Of corse all these lemmings will flock to the theater to see this thing.  The same assholes who made that piece of shit Titanic such a big hit. Sure it had some pretty pictures, but I thought the tree in XTC's "Dear God" video show more dramatic skills.  And the script would have been put to better use in the porta-pots at the local chili cookoff.  But I digress.  Just remember, after you pay to see the movie, and you've spent another $500 in Grinch related shite, your ass is only sore because Hollywood doesn't use Vaseline.      Ahhh... Now that I've ranted, I feel so much better.  It's kinda like taking a piss after driving for four hours non-stop.  Now I can get back to my favorite activity... wandering into random parking garages in Manhattan and scratching "I Have A Small Penis" with my keys on the back of SUVs.