Thanks for stopping by! It's been a long time since I've said anything here, since I've been ranting and raving on my LiveJournal. However, not everybody reads that, and I always save the really GOOD stuff for here anyhow. An update's been brewing in my head for a while, but I'd been procrastinating. Then I got an email from somebody who said nice things to me and demaded an update. I respond as well as anyone to ego-stroking, so here you go. But first, I'd like to warn you that I will be speaking of things involving body parts and pornography in general. I will probably also curse. If this is offensive to you, you have been warned.
Hey! I really want you to email me and let me know just what you think. Good things. Bad things. Indifferent things. Job offers! Tributes! Whatever. Anything. Just email me.
Also, let me just shamelessly self-promote for a second here and beg and plead: If you do any online shopping, PLEASE start from my shopping page. Help a sister out. Every click and sale from those linkies gets me a commission. I've had the damn things for a couple years now, and haven't ever gotten a cheque from them. So...hook me up while you hook yourself up. I'm tryna get out to LA, for goodness sake!
View My SlamBook! | Sign My SlamBook!
Now that I've taken care of that, I'd just like to urge any and all of you who are over the age of 18 and are even marginally interested in the Adult Entertainment Biz to go and check out my most recent addiction: KSEX Radio. They have live shows every weeknight starting at 5pm PST. Just go and listen for a while. It won't take long before you really wanna pony up the subscription fee so that you can watch all the action going on in the studio on the live webcam. There's funny stuff, sexy stuff, and real insights into the wild world of the Jizz Bizz every single night. No, I have not been paid for the plug.
And now, for your reading pleasure, here's the latest little glimpse into my humble world.
February 7, 2005
Manners, catering, and why spitting is rude.
There are a number of things that are bugging me these days. Many of you know what a stickler I am for manners. I may work in an industry that's called rude and classless and a million other things, but I still have a pretty strong sense of ethics and etiquette. Combine this with a low tolerance for stupidity, arrogance, and basic assholery, and you get my list of things that are currently ranking high on the Ass Chappage Scale. Let's begin, shall we?
Stupid little communications power plays.
Okay. So, say I've taken the time to send you a nice lengthy email, or you've read something either about me or by me that you wish to discuss further. This places the onus on you, because you are the one with the desire to speak with me. To pass along this message, you send me an email that contains nothing but a two word directive. In this case, the directive is, "Call me."
Now let's just stop right there, shall we? This alone is rude all by its little self. I'm sorry, but even if I work for you, it's rude, but it's even more rude if (as in this case) I don't. If I've taken the time to communicate with you and you now wish to communicate further, wouldn't it behoove you to at least try to convince me that I actually want to call you? Why on earth should I follow orders like this from somebody for whom I don't work and may not even be on my list of Today's Favourite People? Get a grip on yourself. Learn a few more words. Perhaps a pleasant salutation or two. This will help your case greatly.
But that's not all. "Call me." ??? Why? I've told you what you need to know and again, it's you that now wishes to talk to me. Is it that you don't wanna spend the money on what might be a toll call? What silly game is this? This, my friends, is a silly power game. It's "I want something from you. Make some effort and give it to me." It's lame. Take it away.
Oh, and if I DO call you? Either make yourself available, or return the fucking call. Seriously. I'm sure you're under the impression that I have nothing else to do with my time than sit and pine by the phone, but I've got news for you, honeypie. I'm a busy girl, and getting busier. I've said what I needed to say. You want information? You want expounding? You can call ME. I might even be home and available to take your call. But if I'm not, at least I'll have the fucking MANNERS to return your call after I've gotten the message.
What wine goes with bukkake?
I was talking with a friend of mine the other day, and they were just getting ready to head to a bukkake set. It got me thinking. Does anyone have a little fun with the catering choices for these things? Like, if you're shooting a gaping anal scene, wouldn't donuts be something you'd have on the catering table? If it's a bukkake, shouldn't some wiseass put out some corn chowder and maybe a nice dish of tapioca pudding? Hey, if somebodys already doing this, then RIGHT ON! If not, why the hell not? Cripes, people! Lighten the hell up already! Imagine the giggles that will erupt! You could get creative with this if you really wanted. I'm not sayin' you've gotta provide haute cuisine, but were I on the set of Chunky Tunas and the Girls of the SS Anorexia you can bet your ass that there would be something obvious like tuna salad on the freakin' table instead of Carl's Jr. or whatever it is that passes for Craft Services on a porn set.
Mom says it's not polite to spit.
This one's for you, directors. What the hell, performers too! Mostly, though, I'm talking to directors here. I talk to a lot of non-industry people that watch porn. For the record, those would be called "consumers". They keep asking me the same damn question: What's up with all the spitting?
Now I know that saliva is nature's lube. Perhaps a little drooling would be okay. But this spitting is getting excessive. Now that everyone's decided that all of their scenes are getting more and more hard-edge to compete with the Circus Porn freaks out there, Practically every movie I watch looks like some weird schoolyard behaviour with all the spitting. Seriously, kids, enough is e-goddamn-nough already. We GET the POINT already. Slobber and drool are fine, but this outright spitting is in almost every movie I see these days. If it was just me, I could get past it. For the most part, actually, I have. But people who buy your products keep asking me, so I'm putting it to you. You people make this stuff. Is it possible that one of you people could make a nice hot little movie with steamy sex that doesn't have active spitting in it? As I've said, drool is fine. All of this "ptoo....PTOO!" could really go, though. Why does it have to be in every damn release? Granted, there are fans of this spitting, and I'm happy to acknowlege that fact. But when so many different people ask me the same question, I figure I'll exploit my unique position a little bit and ask the people that would know. You! Directorpants! You tell me about a movie you've made or are making with no spitting in it, and I'll promote it here. I'll tell my friends and acquaintances about it. I won't even ask for a kickback or a commission! I'll just send 'em right to you. We'll be waiting. Dry-mouthed.
What's in a name?
Lastly, I'd like to address my name. My name is Crickett. I've had it a looong time. It's my actual name, not a nom de smut. If you're going to mock me out, I can handle that. You have fun. But could you PLEASE try to put a little thought into it? Cliched Disney references and Kung-Fu references are fucking tired, and they just make you sound lame and unimaginative. If I'm gonna call you names, I'm at least going to make the effort to make it somewhat original instead of something that's probably been done eleventy-three billion times before. If I'm causing you to use enough energy to mock me, at least bother to do it right, mmkay?
Okay. I've shot my wad already. It's short, it ain't sweet, but perhaps if I keep 'em shorter, I'll be able to update more often. From the emails and feedback I've been getting, I guess that's a good thing.
Hey there, you! Did I make you laugh? Think? Cry? If you liked this site, and would like to help keep it going, please toss a donation my way. I'm trying to get to Erotica LA again, and I'm trying to upgrade this damn PC (I need a better system so I can learn to edit with all this newfangled stuff they've got called "software"). Love me! Hate me! I don't care. Just donate to get my ass out there. All else fails, at least I'll get a little vacation and might be less of a twunt the next time I update (although that's doubtful, but it's worth a shot!). Make with the clicky!
Or you could just take a spin through my Shopping Page and hook me up with a few commissions. If you're in a shopping mood, that is. I'll warn you now, there's no porn there, but I hear that drugstore.com sells sex toys...
Ah...a counter. As of 6:20pm on January 4, 2002, this is how many hits I've gotten. Nifty, huh? (Hey, I gotta start somewhere, right?) I found the numbers at The Museum of Counter Art. Cool, huh?