We boarded at Miami for a 7-day Western Caribbean sailing. Since this was my first time really sailing NCL (I’d done the 2-day Epic pre-inaugural, but those sailings aren’t necessarily indicative of what the line generally does), I wanted to make sure to pay close attention to pretty much everything I experienced. The Pearl is a lovely ship, with a passenger capacity of just under 2500 (double occupancy). Our particular sailing was completely sold out, which might explain the really long lines for check-in at the port. We boarded around 1:30 (having been on line for about an hour) and were about to head up to the Lido deck for a snack & a cocktail when we heard the announcement over the loudspeaker that our cabins were now available. Props to the crew, then, because one usually expects to have to wait until 3pm before cabins are available. Seeing our bags show up not too much later made us really note that the crew were on top of their game. It would become a running theme throughout the sailing.

Norwegian operates on the “Freestyle Cruising” philosophy. No set times for dinner, you don’t have to get all dressed up if you don’t feel like doing so, and they offer a wide variety of options for dining. If you’re looking for a more formal cruising experience, NCL may not be the right line for you. Although the ship is well appointed and tastefully decorated, and some bits of it are even Fancy, the atmosphere is definitely a little more laid-back than on other lines. NCL’s detractors have been heard to say that this shows in the service and in the fact that since you can sometimes pay less for your sailing, the line does tend to nickel-and-dime more than others. I absolutely disagree with the comments about the service, but absolutely DO agree about the nickel-and-dime aspect.

For example: Many of the dining venues offered on the ships have an up-charge attached to them. They’re not included in your cruise fare. The ones that are included, I found the food to be of a lower quality. This was true on Epic, and it’s true on Pearl. I feel that it’s something that’s fleet-wide. Perhaps the thinking behind it is that if the food is so much better in the up-charge venues, people will ignore the up-charge and simply eat there for all of their main meals. The problem with that is that some passengers feel as though they have certainly paid enough to the line for their cruise already, and don’t feel as though they should have to pay extra for GOOD meals.

While I only dined in one of the up-charge venues (Cagney’s, the steakhouse), and while it was good, my thought is that if you’re going to charge extra for a dining venue, perhaps you want to ensure that the entire experience is a cut above the rest – both on board and shoreside. The service in Cagney’s was excellent (thank you to Alvin Sigua and Miguel Arcilla, our waiters), but when I’m in any upscale steakhouse in the world, I do not expect to see A) a microwave in use for ANYTHING or B) food being put on plates with an ice-cream scoop. I realise that cruise lines have to get a little institutional due to the volume they’re cooking, but there are busy steakhouses that don’t use those things in view of the public (Cagney’s features an open kitchen so you can WATCH THE ACTION!) and they never use a microwave.

Actually, I found the use of the microwave on the ship to be a bit much anyway – in the Blue Lagoon restaurant, for example, the buffalo wings were great, as were the fish & chips. The chicken fingers, on the other hand, showed up having clearly been microwaved. They were hot enough to remove skin, yet hard as rocks. And please, don’t get me started on the thing sitting on my plate that was masquerading under the name “buttermilk biscuit”. Listen, NCL, if you’re paying attention? I don’t think it’s the head chef on the Pearl who’s doing this. I think it’s the executive chef for the entire line, so whoever that person is, PLEASE LISTEN CLOSELY: What you are calling a “buttermilk biscuit” in Blue Lagoon restaurant (or O’Sheehan’s, if you’re serving them on Epic as well) bears absolutely zero resemblance AT ALL to an actual buttermilk biscuit except that they can both generate crumbs. This item was consistently, throughout the cruise, an affront to buttermilk biscuits, and offensive to all biscuits everywhere. Have you ever tried to EAT one of those creations you’re serving? Like, you yourself with your actual mouth? I wonder what they’re like fresh, because I can tell you that microwaves can only account for the fact that I could damn near chip off pieces of my plate with this thing. It is about the circumference of a mini-muffin, it’s maybe an inch thick, it’s Sahara-level dry, and I’m not sure what that flavour is, but it’s no biscuit like I’ve ever had in my life. Everyone that I spoke to, no matter where they were from or what their food history was, laughed at that tiny rock-like thing. Either please reformulate your recipe, or stop calling that thing a buttermilk biscuit. I don’t care WHAT you call it, but it’s not a biscuit.

That said, Blue Lagoon is a venue that is included in your cruise fare, and is open 24 hours a day throughout the sailing. It’s nice to have that option, especially since the Garden Cafe (where the buffet lives) closes at night until breakfast the next morning).

HINT: If you really need snacks or cookies late at night and don’t feel like going to Blue Lagoon, there’s a little snacks setup in the Pearl Casino (deck 6, midship). One of the friends we met on the sailing would get a fierce cookie jones at around 11 or midnight, and we always knew where we could find him.

We did have some lovely meals in Summer Palace, the main formal dining room. There were a few outstanding hits (apple & endive salad, lemon ginger custard, roasted garlic polenta cake, chicken noodle soup, bread & apple pudding, and potato leek soup being a few of them), a few incredible misses (penne alfredo – TERRIBLE, Vietnamese summer rolls – meh), and some really excellent service. Jeus, Locksley, Shaila Macarubo, and Jose Algao were a few of the ones who were just fantastic. Yes, I filled out comment cards for all of them, but I wanted to mention them here as well. Due to the Freestyle nature of NCL, you’re not going to necessarily get the same waitstaff every night like you would with traditional dining on other lines, which means that these people may work extra hard for no extra recognition. I believe strongly in recognising good service and friendly staff (many of them would find me and ask how my quest to learn to speak Tagalog was going, and help me learn new words), and this lot were all lovely.

There’s a little bar up on Deck 13 midship (though closer to fore than mid) called the Sky High Bar. When you go there, say hello to bartender Kurt Ange for me. My traveling companion & I spent a lot of time there, because it’s out of the way of the craziness even in the middle of a sea day, yet there’s still a lovely view of the ocean, the pool activities, and great people-watching. It’s out of the wind, the service is attentive but not pushy, and it’s a nice, relaxing place to just hang out if you don’t want to be in the center of it all.

Our cabin steward, the lovely Rey Cruz, was fantastic! I can’t say enough good things about him. He was fast, efficient, thorough, took care of anything we asked right away (squeaky door, etc.), and so very friendly! On the Pearl, in balcony cabins and higher categories, there’s a coffee maker in the cabin, of which I took full advantage. Stumbling out into the hallway in the morning, seeking a packet of coffee, or creamers, or sugar packets, I’d find Rey. There I am, last night’s eyeliner down to my chin, hair in disarray, in my PJs, all one-eyed and incoherent. Rey would just smile brightly and say, “Good morning, gorgeous!” I love that man.

Spinnaker Lounge, deck 13 forward, is, for me, the BEST place to be when the seas are acting up (as they were on our first and last nights out). Though we were informed that the seas were merely “moderate” (waves 4-7.5 ft.), seeing the water SPLASH out of the pools on the Lido deck and feeling all the rockin’ & rollin’ we were doing leads me to believe that we were pushing that top end of “moderate” pretty hard. We had a function to attend at Spinnaker on our first night. The whole front and sides of the lounge are floor to ceiling wraparound windows. There are also nice chaises upon which one may relax and stretch out. The view of the ocean activity from that high up and that forward on the ship, a location where one is likely to feel all of that movement the most, was absolutely stunning. Now granted, I’m one of those weirdos who actually likes active seas as much as I like turbulence when I’m on a plane, so I was beside myself with joy that whole night. Others, perhaps, were less comfortable and if you don’t like the feeling of the ship moving on an active ocean, I would advise that you stay on decks 5-7 in the midship area but definitely do NOT go to Spinnaker Lounge. Leave it for weirdos like me.

Bliss Ultra Lounge is on Deck 6 aft, and is decorated in a similar fashion to the lounge of the same name on Epic. Mis-matched furniture, loads of different seating options from bar stools to couches, beds for lounging, 2 VIP rooms, a stage for live music, a dance floor, and bowling lanes! It’s definitely the hot spot of the ship for nightlife. This is also where the karaoke was every night, and you can bet I was there as often as I could be.

Due to weather, I sadly did not get an opportunity to experience Great Stirrup Cay (NCL’s private island) at all. However, the rest of the port days had excellent, hot, clear weather which enabled us to get off of the ship and wander about.

I will say straight up that I’m totally okay if I never go back to Jamaica. Perhaps the new port at Falmouth is nice, I’ve certainly heard it is, but Ocho Rios? No thank you. I’ve heard good things about the resorts too, but the general consensus with Jamaica is “stay at the resort or in the shopping areas meant for tourists, but DO NOT stray on your own”, and I can see why. In Ocho Rios, in order to even get to the harrassment-free oasis that is Margaritaville, you first have to walk a gauntlet of about 3 city blocks that’s nothign but people who want to either drive you around the island in a taxi, braid your hair, or sell you handicrafts of sometimes questionable provenance. Every three steps, even if you’ve just told a taxi driver that you’d rather walk, here’s another one telling you that he’s got the lowest prices, and then another one, and another one. Listen, I understand poverty more than some people know. But when your offerings of services take an almost angry tone to them, you’re going to drive more people away from you than anything. I experienced a lot of that – just the edge of anger – from hair braiding ladies to taxi drivers to people wanting to sell you necklaces and bracelets or at least have you give them money or a cigarette. With the amount of business that comes in, one would hope that some of these people would have learned a little business savvy, but instead, I guess they get enough suckers because it’s just aggressive and off-putting.

Grand Cayman was next, and the atmosphere couldn’t have been more different. No-one was hawking their wares or services on the streets, the woman in the information booth was pleasant and helpful, the streets were clean. We went to Hell, on the northern part of the island (near the Turtle Farm and Stingray City), and chose to take a city bus to get there and back ($2.50 each way per person as opposed to $12 per person each way for a taxi). The island is beautiful, the people are friendly, and I would definitely like to go back and spend more time there.

Next day, Cozumel. While not as aggressive and angry as Jamaica, the people in the shops in Mexico (both East and West coast, I’ve found) are just as pushy and will say almost anything to get you to come into the shop. Once in, they will keep piling things on you and showing things to you, and leaving without purchasing something can be a challenge. If you’re shopping there, unless you’re fluent in Spanish or happen to be very brave, stick with the shops recommended by the cruise line. While I was not worried for my safety in Cozumel like I was in Jamaica, the pushiness can be extremely wearing after a few shops. We did, however, have a plate of really amazing nachos with shrimp, chicken, and beef in a shop just at the beginning of the strip while Benito promised to make us a good price on the goods in the shop behind the restaurant (and he did, too). At the other end of the strip, my new boyfriends Otoniel & Eddy at Tiki-Tok offer $6 margaritas, 2 beers for $3, a fantastic view of the port, and charming company. Watch out, ladies! They’re both single and on the prowl!

All in all, I did have a great time on the Pearl. The category BA balcony cabin was, while not palatial, certainly spacious enough for us to be comfortable. There’s loads of storage space, a nice big closet, plenty of hangers, and enough room under the bed for suitcases. The shower was mid-range in size (Princess showers are smaller, Carnival’s are bigger), and the toilet has its own little room and door so one’s cabin-mate can shower or use the sink/mirror while one is in the tinkle chamber. There were movies all night long on television (when I wasn’t watching The Ship Channel), everything from Inception to Rango, we noticed almost no noise at all from our neighbouring cabins, and Rey kept our ice bucket full. Of course, everything’s better with a balcony, and we both spent untold hours there.

24 hour room service (complimentary except for 12am-5am, when there’s a small surcharge) came in handy a couple of times, as did the option to have a large pizza with whatever you want on it delivered anywhere on the ship for $5. For that, I don’t mind the surcharge at all.

I must note, however, that there was a crew and cast on the ship shooting a reality show. Some dating contest, from the look of it. While the film crew were lovely, the male cast members (or contestants, or whatever they’re called) left much to be desired in the maturity and manners arenas. I saw and experienced behaviours that I would have perhaps expected from college sophomore frat guys, but certainly not from people who call themselves adults who wish to be seen as desirable on national television. I don’t know what the show is called, and am not sure whether or not they’re still on the Pearl shooting, but I can tell you that my personal experience with them was unpleasant at best. I won’t be watching the show, even if there’s a possibility to catch a glimpse of myself on TV.

Again, the service throughout the ship was outstanding no matter where we were, and deserves to be recognised. There are a few things that could use some tweaking (like the 2 hours we stood in line to debark and go through Customs – there’s absolutely no reason it should have taken that long to get through the terminal), and I think the food issues are endemic to the entire line, so I can’t imagine many changes are going to be made there (but please, for the love of all that’s holy, for the sake of your favourite comfort food, PLEASE FIX THOSE BISCUITS). The ship isn’t too huge, she’s well appointed, and easy to navigate. For a fun cruise with excellent service at a decent price, I can easily recommend Norwegian Pearl. Just make sure to call a travel agent, because NCL often has promotions for free upgrades and extra onboard credit, and your friendly neighbourhood travel agent will be prepared to take advantage of those on your behalf to get you the most bang for your buck.

Between entitlement and xenophobia, people in the United States have come to take a lot of things for granted and have been able to find handy scapegoats for just about everything. But when it comes to protecting yourself and your family on a vacation, the ball is firmly in your court.

Every travel agent worth their salt, and every single cruise line sales agent working the phones is going to offer you travel insurance when you book your cruise. Some call it Vacation Protection or Cruise Care. It comes down to the same thing. Some agencies will even offer you free insurance (though really, you get what you pay for with that, so I don’t recommend it – get whatever other perk they’re offering instead, be it on-board credit, a bottle of wine, or a set of travel mugs). But the point is, no matter what it’s called, it’s important.

You are not exempt. From anything. We all have our clumsy moments. The weather will act up any time it damn well chooses. Airlines operate using a set of rules so arcane that I’m fairly certain that chicken bones and goat slaughter are involved in creating them. And yet, I’ve heard people decline the insurance I’ve offered them because, “Oh, it’s just a short little cruise, nothing’s gonna happen” or, “We are GOING on this cruise no matter what.”

But accidents don’t care how long the voyage is, and catastrophes don’t give a tin damn about your plans. Also, not for nothin’? Once you’re on board (or when you board your flight to get to the port), you’re surrounded by thousands of people with brand new germs, and you’ll be going to places that have germs your immune system has never even heard of. It’s enough to give a hypochondriac a nervous breakdown. Me, I’m waiting actively for the zombie apocalypse, so if I start to think about all of those germs for too long, I develop a mild facial tic.

Travel insurance is not just for the old, the infirm, or for a massively long sailing. Travel insurance is for everyone during every season. You have insurance on your car, despite the massive number of trips to the grocery you know you’re going to take with absolutely zero mishaps. The health care debate in the US is enough to bring the government to a complete standstill. And yet so many people decide that the vacation they’ve invested so heavily in, that they’ve worked so hard for, simply isn’t worth the few extra dollars to protect it if something goes wrong. It boggles my mind.

While I know that there are a number of people out there who think that travel agents only sell insurance so that they can make more money and therefore isn’t really worth anything, that’s simply not the case. I also know that insurance options can be confusing and require a lot of stupid research to figure out what it is that’s covered, whether or not there’s a pre-existing conditions waiver, and whether you’ll get reimbursed in cash or in a future cruise credit. But research can be rewarding (and your travel agent or personal vacation planner will be able to give you all the information you need – just ask!).

I had a client get a sinus infection while she was on a cruise. A trip to the ship’s infirmary got her some nice medication and a bill for $290. Her travel insurance reimbursed her quickly after she submitted the paperwork.

On that same trip, her friend’s teenage daughter had a spastic moment and broke her pinky finger. Again, covered.

And now, it’s hurricane season, a season that takes up nearly half of the year. It started in July, and this year has been an active one for hurricanes. During one of them, two ships in the Port of San Juan were commanded to leave port hours earlier than planned, leaving 450 passengers stranded in Puerto Rico. One cruise line provided their passengers with 2 nights lodging and, if they had their passport, a flight to meet up with the ship in Barbados. If they didn’t have their passport, they were given a flight home. The other cruise line, however, gave stranded passengers information on local hotel availability and that’s about it. If you’d purchased your air through that cruise line, then they would fly you to the next port to meet up with the ship and also put you up for the night. Otherwise, the passengers were, essentially, screwed.

Cruise Line A did everything right from a passenger goodwill standpoint, despite the fact that they legally weren’t bound to do ANY of it. If you actually read the ticket contract that comes along with your cruise line-issued documents (either paper docs or e-docs), you’ll see that they cover their butts incredibly well and are released from indemnity in cases like this. But Cruise Line A chose to do everything it could for its passengers, and I believe that it won them a lot of fans in the press. Cruise Line B stuck to its obligations as outlined in the cruise contract and nothing more. Which means they weren’t out any money, but boy did they piss off their passengers!

However, travel insurance exists because of things like this. Any passengers with travel insurance were likely able to get new flights and meet the ship at the next port, as well as having their hotels and meals covered in the interim, or they’d have been able to get new flights home without having to worry overmuch about the change fees, etc. Traveling during hurricane season without insurance is BEYOND foolish. It’s completely asinine. It’s ignorant. It’s stupid.

The cruise line is not to blame for the weather. Their captains are there to keep you safe, so if the itinerary does have to change due to weather, kindly do a bit of lighthearted grousing and then get over it. The captain isn’t going to put 2500+ people in danger (plus crew and ship) just because you’ve never been to Dunn’s River Falls. If you DO get to Dunn’s River Falls and you slip and break your ankle, it’s not the island’s fault. And it certainly won’t be the ship’s fault when you’ve gone to hospital to have it looked at and they leave without you.

If, however, you have travel insurance, your flight home and repatriation are covered in that case. If you need Med-Evac service off of the ship to a shoreside hospital, that’s covered. Lose your luggage? Covered. Your belongings are stolen? Covered.

Me, I’m sailing next week. Currently, the plan is for a Western Caribbean itinerary – Ocho Rios, Jamaica; Georgetown, Grand Cayman; and Cozumel, Mexico to be exact. But Hurricane Rina is getting a little uppity, already a number of ships have been routed away from Grand Cayman, and she seems to be headed directly for Cozumel. Which basically means for me that even if she’s passed by the time we get there, the snorkeling in Grand Cayman is going to be lousy. And that makes me sad, but it also means that I’ll spend less on shore excursions. Who knows? She might still be wreaking havoc when I get down there, and we’ll be re-routed to different islands altogether. Y’know what? I don’t think that’s going to upset me too much. In the end, I’m on a vacation and on the ocean. It’s the sort of scenario that travel insurance is made for. I’m prepared, and if I wasn’t, I’d have absolutely nobody to cry to about it.

So I’ll say it again: Anything can happen out there. You’re spending a lot of money on your vacation. Protect it. Because if you don’t, you’re not only a fool, but you’ve nobody to blame but yourself when something happens. And eventually, it will. Even Murphy sails sometimes, and he brings his law with him.

Oh, and while you’re at it? GET A PASSPORT ALREADY. Just because you currently CAN slide by with just a birth certificate and your photo ID doesn’t mean it’ll always be that way. Seriously, it’s not that hard. I hate doing paperwork and yet even I have a passport. It’s good for 10 years, it’s accepted as ID nearly everywhere, and should you happen to get stuck on an island and need to fly back home instead of coming back on the ship, re-entry into the country will be easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy. Or, as outlined above, you’ll actually be able to meet your cruise in Barbados if you get stuck in San Juan. Without a passport AND without travel insurance, you’re either stuck in San Juan or going straight home. Which is definitely not a relaxing cruise experience.

There have been any number of discussions on the “travel agent vs. direct booking” topic, and I can usually read them without completely blowing up. I think that people should know the differences in the two, especially because there are many who are new to cruising or think that booking direct with the cruise line is always the best course of action, and it’s good to see how others will choose to express their preferences in that particular debate. Today, though, I saw something on a discussion board that made me really angry, largely because the ignorance of the statements made is not only insulting (basically calling all TAs liars) but it’s also dangerous to anyone who actually takes this person’s advice.

What this person said was this, “In my experience, a good TA should be able to beat the cruise line’s price by at least 10 percent. Don’t listen to all the protestations that they’re not permitted to discount or that they’re making so little that they can’t afford to discount.”

Let me first state that this person is wrong. Straight up incorrect. Both sentences contain ignorant, incorrect statements. That alone makes it dangerous to anyone who might listen to this person, and it also makes it a minefield for any agent who has to deal with either this person or someone who took this person’s statements as fact. The inherent sense of entitlement threaded through it only causes me to dislike this person further, but that’s a personal issue and one that I will likely become extremely cranky about in another venue. Here, though, let’s stick to the basic facts, shall we? I’m about to blow this person’s words away with actual facts.

A good TA should be able to beat the cruise line’s price by at least 10 percent.

This is, quite simply, not always the case. Granted, many times we can and we do discount for our clients, but there are a number of occasions when we cannot. Does this mean that you should resign yourself to paying brochure prices? Absolutely not! We have access to sales, possible special group pricing, and yes, some cruise lines do allow agencies to discount (in the form of taking a smaller commission in order for our clients to pay less). This person’s assertion that if we choose to follow the cruise lines’ rules set forth to agencies, we are then not “good” TAs is inflammatory, insulting, and again, wrong. There are a number of cruise lines who DO NOT allow agencies to discount under any circumstances. Their published fares are what they are, and that’s what the client pays no matter what avenue they choose for booking. However, your travel agent can offer other things, such as onboard credit, bottles of wine, specialty dining vouches, pre-paid gratuities and other things. These things will also take away from our commission, it’s true, but we’re happy to offer them to our clients as much as we can, depending on the base fare of the cruise. (Also, please keep in mind that if you’re getting a super low fare on an inside cabin for a 3-day Bahamas sailing, there simply may not be enough commission in the booking to offer more than $25 onboard credit for the cabin, if that. I’m not being cheap, I’m trying to do my part so that my agency doesn’t go under. Every sale is important, every client is important, but I won’t offer you so much in onboard credit that I end up losing money on the booking, and neither will any other “good” TA.)

Don’t listen to all the protestations that they’re not permitted to discount or that they’re making so little that they can’t afford to discount.

I’ll say this again, because it bears repeating. It’s not a “protestation”, it’s a fact of business. Certain cruise lines DO NOT ALLOW agencies to discount. DO NOT. At all. You get either the published individual cabin fare, or you get the group fare if the agency has group pricing on a particular sailing, but that’s all. Which is why we offer other amenities to our clients. Either way, we’re giving up commission so that you can get an even better value on your sailing. There are a lot of rules the cruise lines as agencies to follow (some cruise lines have more than others), but following them isn’t just a courtesy. Should we choose not to adhere to those rules, we can have our commission levels dropped significantly, or we will simply be barred from booking that line. The consequences are very real, and affect the agency on a serious level. So when we say, “I’m sorry, but that cruise line doesn’t allow discounting,” it’s not an excuse, a protestation, or us being “greedy” (another misconception about travel agents that sets my blood to boiling). It’s us protecting our business by following the rules the cruise line has set forth as a condition of our continuing to receive commissions and as a condition of being allowed to book that cruise line at all. This is a fact. Anyone who tells you differently is, quite simply, wrong.

If any agent tells you that there’s not enough commission in the booking to discount because they can’t afford to, it’s very likely the case. Listen, agents aren’t necessarily getting rich off of your cruise. Most of these people who are advocating using a certain website that allows agents to compete for your cruise business (the name of which I will not post here, as I do not wish to send them any more potential users) are making the type of bookings through that site that generally result in an average agency commission of a whopping $30. Thirty. Dollars. No, I’m not kidding. The third largest cruise seller in the UK went under this week, and it was likely due to the fact that they were discounting beyond what they should have done in order to undercut every other agency’s pricing, with no regard as to the fact that you can have all the volume in the world but if you’re not actually making a commission in at least the double digits from each booking, you’re not going to be able to stay open. However, the market has grown so entitled to huge discounts and massive amounts of amenities that there are a number of agencies in the US who will work those same undercutting moves. Some of those agencies have gone under, either legally and by advising their clients ahead of time, or suddenly just packing up, shutting off the phones, and stealing away into the night. Leaving their clients high and dry with unpaid cruises, none of the promised amenities, and a whole lot of uncertainty as to whether or not the cruise they thought was a done deal was even paid for properly.

An agency has to make a certain base amount for each cruise it sells. That amount is up to the agency to determine, but while no-one operates a travel agency with an eye to getting filthy stinking rich, they won’t open one as a philanthropic gesture either. It’s a business, and businesses need to make money. I’m sorry that some people would begrudge us the ability to do so, but if you want me to continue to be able to provide the service, you can’t expect that I’ll offer either amenities or discounts to the level that my agency makes nothing in exchange for performing that service. As it is, I work for one of the agencies out there that does not charge a support fee, booking fee, change fee, consultation fee, or any other type of fee that isn’t imposed by the actual cruise line. I had a potential client last year who decided to go with another agency because they offered him a fare that was $6 lower than the one I offered. That’s all well and good, I’m happy he went with them. Because that agency charges a $14.99 booking fee for every cabin. So in the end? He wound up paying more for his sailing. I guess he told ME!

Even though the poster that I’m quoting here didn’t bring this up, I thought I’d mention it just to stave off any future questions as well. If an agency tells you that they can, in fact, offer onboard credit with the fare you’re booking, but they can’t tell you the amount in an email or a printed quote, it’s not just a stupid ploy to get you to call them. It’s actually a rule that at least one line has imposed that basically says that any email we send out with quotes constitutes “printed advertising”, and as such, prohibits agencies from engaging in it. Should agencies ignore this edict, they can and will be sanctioned by the cruise line by having their commissions slashed significantly. Also, should your agent tell you that there are upper-end limits to the amount of onboard credit they can offer you, they are not lying to you. Each cruise line has its own guidelines for such things, and part of the service that agencies provide is knowing what all of those things are so that they’re able to offer you the best value, amenities, and service possible.

Here’s the deal: I have often directed my clients to certain message boards, because those boards can be a fantastic resource when one is searching for information. However, as with any place where large amounts of people gather (either physically or virtually), you have to learn how to differentiate between the people who actually know from whence they speak and those who simply talk a good game. I don’t take them with a grain of salt so much as I take them with Lot’s wife.

Educate yourselves. Do your research. Compare your fares and amenities, if that’s what you need to do. But educate yourself fully, don’t just arm yourself with a lot of stuff that sounds like it might benefit you. Learn the whole story. And remember that, in the end, this is not a Turkish market or a used car lot. Haggling might go over well there, but it doesn’t work so well here. When it comes to your vacation, do you really want cheap or do you want a value? Learning the difference between those two things might be the first and most important lesson for any consumer.

The guarantee cabin category is standard across all cruise lines, and it works like this: Guarantee cabins are offered usually at a lower fare than assigned cabins, with the understanding that the passenger is then allowing the cruise line to assign their cabin wherever they choose, provided it’s still within that meta-category (inside, ocean-view, balcony, etc.). The only real guarantee in booking a guarantee cabin is that you are guaranteed to have a cabin on that sailing within that meta-category. You could get the best cabin on the ship – midship, high deck, convenient to the elevators but not so close that you’re exposed to the noise from the traffic. You could also wind up in the worst cabin in that meta-category – far forward or aft, right above the engine, right below a nightclub. The cruise line can put you wherever they want to put you, and for that, you’re paying a lower fare.

Let me break it down further: Let’s say you want a balcony cabin on Carnival. You’re given quotes for a category 8A, 8B, 8C, etc. Those category breakdowns are for assigned cabins – you get to choose your cabin number from the cabins available at the time of booking. All Carnival balcony categories start with the number 8 (with the exception of the 7′s, but those are either obstructed view with lifeboats in front of them or they’re what’s known as Cove Balconies, and in any case, they don’t really figure in here). The A, B, C and so on refer to location on the ship. The further along in the alphabet you get, the higher the deck or the more mid-ship or more preferential the cabin. 8A are usually the least expensive balcony category available. You choose your cabin number from the ones offered, and you’re all set. You know where you are on the ship, and that cabin cannot be changed unless there are other extreme circumstances in play (you booked a handicap accessible cabin, for instance, and are not handicapped – should a handicapped person want to book, you can be moved to another cabin so that Carnival can accommodate both you and the handicapped guest), and you would be advised of those circumstances by either the cruise line or your diligent travel agent.

However, you were also offered a category BL. That right there is a Balcony Guarantee. It means that you are guaranteed a category 8A or better, but that you may not know your cabin assignment until the day of embarkation. The cruise line will choose your cabin for you from the cabins it has available. Sometimes they assign them right away, but that’s rare. Usually, they make sure that they have exhausted most other options before they start assigning the guarantees. Again, you may be upgraded to an 8B or even an 8M, you may stay with an 8A, you may be in the very furthest forward cabin or in the very aft of the ship. Once you’ve booked a guarantee, the decision is up to the cruise line. You are welcome to state any preferences you may have, but in the end, it’s a crapshoot. You’re getting on the ship for sure, but where your cabin will be located is anyone’s guess. For some passengers, just getting on the ship is the important bit. Other cruisers are much more exacting when it comes to cabin location.

If you have specific demands of where your cabin is located, you should never book a guarantee under any circumstances. If you absolutely have to be midship and nothing else will do, booking a guarantee is a foolish thing, because you have no way of knowing (and neither does your travel agent nor the booking agent with the cruise line) where your cabin will be until it is assigned. Never ever assume that because the voyage is sailing a certain trade that they won’t assign cabins in certain areas of the ship. A sailing is still going to try to fill every single cabin available whether it’s going Transatlantic, Baltic, or over the edge of Iguazu Falls, and that does include the fore and aft cabins. Some people will even book those cabins specifically – believe it or not, there are passengers who will happily choose a forward cabin and those who actively pursue aft cabins as well (especially aft-facing balconies, sometimes called “Sunset Verandahs”).

If you have a medical condition that affects your equilibrium, you should never book a guarantee under any circumstances.

Should your cabin be assigned early enough and you strenuously object to the assignment you’ve been given, you’re certainly welcome to contact your TA or the cruise line and see if there’s a possibility of moving you to a different cabin. You should be warned, however, that if the sailing is selling well or sailing soon, there may be few to no other options available. You pays your money and you gets your cabin. In the end, you got precisely what you paid for and you should have been fully advised what “guarantee” means in this case. If you are AT ALL unclear as to anything your TA or the cruise line booking agent says to you, you’re better off asking for clarification right then and there. Your question is not a stupid one, and asking for more information is actually encouraged. We want you to know exactly what you’re getting and what you should expect. When we’ve advised and advised and explained until our faces are numb, and are then blamed for an unfavourable cabin assignment, it can be very frustrating indeed. Once it’s been booked, though, it is absolutely out of our hands.

Another thing of which you should be aware when booking a guarantee cabin: if you do not like your assignment, there are no cabins available that you DO like within the parameters you’ve specified, and you don’t wish to pay for an upgrade to get the type of cabin you want, the cruise line will not have pity on you. They won’t care to hear “your side of the story” for the most part because if you booked directly with the cruise line or with a travel agent, they will expect that you were advised at the time of booking what “guarantee” means, and that you accepted those terms. Saying something like, “Well, yes, they said that the cruise line would choose my cabin for me and it could be anywhere, but I can’t imagine that they actually expect people to SAIL in cabins at the very front of the ship going across the North Atlantic!” will display not only that you were advised but that you are actively choosing not to pay attention to that advisory, believing instead that you’ll be able to get what you want if you just complain enough.

Should you choose to cancel your sailing rather than take the cabin assigned to you, and you cancel that sailing withing 75 days prior to departure, you should expect that the cruise line will charge you a penalty. Unless you have purchased travel insurance with Cancel For Any Reason coverage, your claim will be denied . “I didn’t like my cabin assignment” does not constitute a valid, legitimate reason for cancellation especially if you booked a guarantee and were advised what that meant.

The lesson here is simple: if you want to be in a specific location, book the corresponding meta-category and choose your cabin. If you aren’t really bothered where the cabin is as long as you’re on board, go ahead and book the guarantee. Know that the only guarantee in a guarantee cabin is that if you book an ocean-view guarantee, you’re guaranteed an ocean-view cabin somewhere on the ship. Likewise for inside guarantees, balcony guarantees, concierge guarantees, and suite guarantees. You will be on the ship, and for some, that’s enough. For anyone who has areas of the ship in which they absolutely will NOT sail, I can’t guarantee that you’ll be happy with a guarantee cabin.

Different countries have different tipping etiquette. Since cruising has such an international clientele, having a standardised amount set forth makes things much easier and takes away the guesswork. While some people don’t wish to tip at all, once you get on a ship and see how hard some of these folks work for you, it’s likely that you won’t mind. I’ll say it again later on, but one thing to remember is that you can always go to the Purser’s desk and adjust the amount of your daily service charge either up or down, or you may remove it entirely if you choose. However, that can have its own consequences, which I’ll go into in a bit.

First things first: what/who does the service charge cover?

Although it (as with many things) varies from line to line, your basic service charge is split between: cabin steward, steward’s assistant, head waiter, waiter, waiter’s assistant, and buffet stewards. Each one of those people gets a little piece of your daily service charge.

Your cabin steward comes in to your room twice a day to straighten up, make the bed, vacuum the sand from your carpet, clean the bathroom, make sure you have fresh towels, deliver your daily newsletter, turn down your bed in the evenings (as well as preparing/putting away extra berths if there are more than two of you in the cabin), place chocolates on your pillow, fill your ice bucket, and sometimes leave amusing animals on your bed made from the clever twisting and folding of towels. Sort of like a hotel housekeeper, but supercharged. However, they are like ninjas and largely operate when you’re not in the cabin (you could leave for 20 minutes to go get some fresh cookies from the buffet and when you come back, your room has been magically set to rights and your cabin steward is nowhere to be seen). Also, they can be your best friend. They can provide safety pins, take photos of you on Formal Night, give insights to the ship and various ports that don’t sound like paid advertisements, and pass the word along to other crew how awesome you are so that you get treated like Ultra Royalty wherever you go on the ship. They tend to work extremely long hours with very little sleep, and they’re in your cabin twice a day. It pays to make friends with your cabin steward.

Buffet stewards on shore are generally people that we wouldn’t tip if we were dining, say, at Old Country Buffet. However, the quality of food on a cruise ship is going to be higher, and those stewards work long, hard hours preparing and maintaining those buffets so that they’re always well-stocked whenever you want to stuff your face. They also will tell you about the various foods, help you with your tray, and remove the entire pan of bread to be replaced with fresh when some uncouth pig decides to ignore the tongs and just reach in with their bare hands (hello, Norovirus!).

You know what waitstaff do unless you live in a mud hut, and if you live in a mud hut, where are you getting your internets from? The waitstaff on a cruise ship, however, will smile, remember your name, remember your childrens’ names, remember your favourite foods (and bring them to you unbidden, sometimes), and occasionally bring you special little treats from the kitchen if they know that it’s something you might like.

Okay, so what’s this gonna cost me?

It varies from line to line, but here’s a sampling of what the mass market cruise lines are charging these days for a daily charge. (Extra special awesome thanks to Miss Kelly Lindsey of Cruise Adventure Travel, Customer Service Queen, asset to the company, and all-around Goddess, for compiling this list right when I needed it.)

Carnival: $10 per person, per day
Royal Caribbean: $9.75 pp/pd for standard cabins, $12 pp/pd for suites (increasing to $11.65 and $13.90 respectively for sailings beginning 7/1/2011)
Celebrity: $11.50 pp/pd for standard cabins, $12 pp/pd for Concierge Class & Aqua Class, $15 pp/pd for suites
Azamara: Included in the voyage fare
Princess: $10.50 pp/pd for standard cabins, $11 pp/pd for suites
Norwegian Cruise Line: $12 pp/pd for all cabins
Cunard: $11 pp/pd for standard cabins, $13 pp/pd for Princess & Queens Grills (suites)
Holland America Line: $11 pp/pd for all cabins
Disney Cruise Line: $12 pp/pd for all cabins
MSC: $12 pp/pd for adults, $6 pp/pd for children (ages 0-17)
Costa: Caribbean – $11 pp/pd for adults, $7.50 pp/pd for children (ages 0-17)
Europe – 6.5 Euro pp/pd

Why should they get tipped at all? Don’t they get paid?

Yes, they get paid. On some lines. Certain lines don’t pay a base wage to their staff – their room and board is considered their wage. On the lines that do pay a base wage, but that’s not for an average work week. The cabin stewards I’ve spoken with generally tend to work 12-16 hours a day, 7 days a week. It’s rare that they get a day off to actually enjoy either the climates in which they’re sailing or the exotic ports of call. When you break it down, they make about $5/hour. Sure, they get room and board, but they’re required to buy their tickets to/from the ship at either end of their contract (done up front, and a requirement of their employment), and should the line lend them the money to do so, many are from such far-flung places that they start their contract owing the cruise line a month or two worth of salary. Similar to the way that waitstaff are paid here in the U.S. (i.e. incredibly low hourly wage for hard work), tips are a huge part of their potential income. Also, many cruise line employees send their salaries home (which supports the families that they don’t get to see for months and sometimes years at a time). Me, I can’t begrudge them the tiny amount of each day’s “recommended service charge” that they get.

Well, can’t I just tip them in cash?

You can, and there are many that do. However, there are some things to take into account there as well. First, keep in mind that you may forget to tip somebody who provided excellent service to you that would normally be covered under the automatic tipping. Second, should you remove the auto-tipping from your stateroom account and choose to tip solely in cash, the recipients of that cash will likely have to turn it in to a pool anyhow. Only if you leave on the auto-tipping and choose to give something extra in cash to somebody (or somebodies) who’ve given you amazing service can you be assured that they will get to keep all that you intended them to have.

Keeping a little cash on hand is a good idea anyhow. Even though all of your charges on the ship will be placed on your ship-board account via your room key, there are a few people who tend to get missed in the automatic tipping who may deliver excellent service to you, and as always, sometimes a little cash can make things go a little more smoothly. At the embarkation port, for example, the standard tip for a porter is $1-2 per bag. Give them a little extra, and your bags will likely arrive at your cabin a little sooner and a little less thrown around. Should you call Room Service (available 24 hours a day and included in your cruise fare on most ships), your Room Service waiter is going to be mighty grateful for the dollar or two you give him, and your future Room Service orders may arrive faster because of it. Bartenders on cruise ships are just as swayed by good tipping as are their shoreside counterparts. While it’s true that a 15% gratuity is added on to each beverage order from a bar on the ship, sliding a dollar or two per drink at a bartender or waiter is likely to get you the occasional free round, and extremely attentive service.

Well, I’m “thrifty” and creative. Can’t I find another way to show them I appreciate them?

You wouldn’t be alone. There are those who feel that the feeling of appreciation is more important than cold hard cash. I disagree. While it’s important to not treat these people poorly, treating them with patronizing contempt really blows. I’ve seen the things that some people do in lieu of cash – they’re rather proud of it and they crow about how clever they are and how generous they are, and how much the recipients of their “treats” just LOVE them! In the end, it is your discretion. My thoughts on the matter are this: The person who is in my room twice a day, who marvels at the dolphins that we both just saw off the balcony even though I’m sure it’s a commonplace sight for her, who leaves extra-special towel animals and admonishes the other crew to take good care of me? She deserves way more than a $1 bill made fancy by folding it into origami shapes. She has access to enough chocolate every day that she sure as hell doesn’t need “Fun Size” candy bars. And she shares a room with 2-3 other people, so she doesn’t have room for the novelty coffee mug I brought her as a souvenir of the city from which I traveled. The waiter in the dining room who remembered my name after the first meal, brought me shrimp cocktail at every lunch and dinner because he knew I liked them, and busted out with a special dessert that wasn’t on the menu just because I mentioned I had heard of it and thought it sounded good? Deserves way more than a $10 Kmart or Walmart gift card (just in case they happen to get some time off on an island that actually HAS one of those stores). The waitress/barista in the cafe who knew what coffee I liked and how I liked it AND helped me with my horrible butchering of her language (Russian) with a big smile AND got other Russian speaking crew to greet me in Russian? Deserves more than a $5 pre-paid phone card which may or may be valid on the phone system she’s using.

Cold hard cash is the way to go. The only other thing I’ve heard of that’s really cool is talking to these people (they have personalities and everything!) and finding out what they dig, what they like, and maybe asking if there’s anything at the next port that you can pick up for them. As long as it’s not illegal drugs, go for it!

Here’s another fun tip: If you purchase a bottle of wine on board and you don’t drink the whole thing in one dinner or lunch, they’ll hold it for you and you can ask for it later. Should you choose, you can also take it back to your room to drink it there. Should you decide that you just can’t finish it, the crew is always happy to help you. More than once, a half-finished bottle of wine or a bottle of champagne that we just couldn’t drink has either been “donated” to the Help Those People Blow Off Some Damn Steam Fund or left with a note for our cabin steward/ess to please enjoy it with our compliments and thanks.

Whatever you give them, they’re going to say that they like it, and they’re going to thank you for it. It’s their job to be gracious and warm. If they’re not, they don’t get to stay doing that job for very long. But you’ve gotten that baffling birthday or holiday gift before, and the giver was RIGHT THERE, and you had to play nice and smile big. As soon as they left or you went home, you know what you went through. These people do the same thing. Give them the gift that keeps on giving, or at least leave the auto-tipping on and mention specific names in the comment card you get at the end of the sailing. Don’t cheap out and then congratulate yourself on how clever you are and how philanthropic you are to “treat” these poor Third-world savages who pampered your pasty, spoiled butt all week to an origami dollar wrapped around a Fun Size Snickers. You cheap bastard.

The Good:

NCL did a lot of things right on this ship, and unfortunately, I think that a lot of people are going to either look at her size, her exterior, or find another reason to only concentrate on the things that aren’t quite so right. Those people are going to be missing out.

There is the decor. It is, throughout the ship, varied and mostly understated. Each area has its own personality, and that’s reflected in the furniture choices, upholstery, and wall treatments. They could have gone all glitzy and garish, and they chose not to do so. Instead, they reserved the real pizazz for the places that warranted it, and showed restraint and taste in the rest of the ship.

There is the variety. Of things to do, of dining venues, of cabin types. I think that yes, some of it is going to suffer in their quest to be all things to all people, but for the most part, they’re hitting the right notes.

There are incredible things for kids to do, even if you don’t want to shell out extra money for the Nickelodeon character breakfast. Children are clearly well cared for by professionals, and the options for play even outside the designated kid area will keep them occupied AND wear them out so that they sleep at the end of the day.

For adults, there are also many many things to do as well as opportunities for you to do nothing at all, which is part of what a vacation should be about.

The beds are very comfortable, and if our cabin steward was any indication, the service is competent, gracious, and unobtrusive.

The new cabin designs (yes, including the oh-so-controversial bathrooms) are remarkable, well thought-out, and (in the case of the Studio Complex) revolutionary within the industry. Other lines should be taking note, because NCL is really on to something here.

Entertainment-wise, I was very impressed. Having Blue Man Group on your ship is quite an accomplishment, and the fact that nobody’s thought of it before already puts NCL ahead of the game. Second City, Howl At The Moon, Slam Allen Blues Band, and all of the other entertainment on the ship seemed to be top-notch, not just something that one suffers through because there’s nothing else to do or watch on the ship.

As for the food, most of the patisserie and all of the fruit and veg I saw and tasted were fresh and delicious. The variety in offerings is fantastic. If you’re paying extra for something, chances are you’re going to definitely feel like you’re getting your money’s worth.

She’s huge. On a ship this big, not only is there plenty to occupy your time, but if you want to get lost for a while and just read a book somewhere, you can definitely do that. They say that on a 7-day sailing, the average passenger gains 12 pounds. On this ship, you’ll be doing so much walking that it will be almost impossible to gain that 12 pounds. Even though I was grazing pretty much the entire time I was onboard, I’m fairly certain that I lost weight during the sailing.

The Bad:

She’s huge. On a ship this big, even if you’re lucky enough to get a room near the elevator or stairs, you’re going to be doing a darn lot of walking whether you want to or not. I do not recommend wearing uncomfortable shoes for any length of time. It can be easy to get turned around and lost, and it was only through repetition (and keeping my map with me) that I managed to find the things I needed, and even I got turned around a few times.

Due to the many many offerings in dining, it can be difficult to make up one’s mind as to where one wishes to dine at any given time. Though Taste and Manhattan Room (the main dining rooms, which are included in your cruise fare) are both sizeable, I can imagine that when the ship is at capacity, the waiting times at popular hours are going to be staggering. Thankfully, NCL’s Freestyle way of doing things means that you have no set dining time at which you have to be at a certain place, but it can also lead to troubles when it comes to crowd control.

Service-wise, she left a lot to be desired in many of the dining venues that we tried. I’m willing to cut quite a bit of slack due to the fact that she was at half crew, but she was also at half capacity, passenger-wise. I really truly hope that they’ve planned things well enough that the service in Manhattan Room and O’Sheehan’s (where we noticed the biggest lags) will speed up considerably.

The food is another issue. Yes, it’s plentiful. Yes, there is variety. But when one is sticking only to the venues which are included in one’s cruise fare, the food comes off as almost institutional. I realize that it can be a stretch trying to serve so many people AND do it within a reasonable budget AND do it in a timely fashion AND have some variety, but if you don’t think you can do it and do it WELL, don’t do it. Swapping out garlic mashed potatoes for french fries? Onion rings that may or may not have contained real onion at some point but probably came straight out of an Ore Ida bag? Bland, watery, cheeseless spinach artichoke dip? C’mon, guys! These are basics! Easy stuff! Heck, TGIFriday’s puts out a frozen spin/art dip that put this one to shame, and I can buy that in my grocery store! I think that NCL may have blown its proverbial wad on the specialty restaurants and seems to be of the general idea that if you don’t want to spend the extra money to eat at those, you can go whistle. The only exception I saw to that was lunchtime at the Garden Cafe, which seemed to have some pretty nifty stuff going on. I wish I’d checked it out at dinner time, much like I wish I’d checked out Taste during breakfast.

It’s been no secret that this ship could have stood a couple of extra weeks in the yard, getting finishing touches. However, NCL was on a schedule, and they’d sold a full revenue sailing for her maiden Transatlantic crossing, and the amount of crap they’d have had to deal with if she didn’t sail on time would have been Brobdingnagian. So me, I can handle that there’s a few little things here and there that need to be finished (cosmetics counter, karaoke systems, library), that were forgotten at the shipyard (approximately 6 sneezeguards), and that the staff is still learning their way around this behemoth. Still, it is something that has been causing problems. I hope sincerely that they’re just growing pains, and that this ship goes on to great things.

The Ugly:

Let’s get it out there. I’ve heard more than one person say that the ship’s external design is ugly. That it has a big forehead. That they don’t like the painted design on the hull.

People, really?

Listen, if you can afford to be that snotty about the ship on which you’re sailing, you’re gonna be in one of those cabins that LIVE in that big ol’ forehead of hers, because that’s where the whole Courtyard complex is located. And I promise you: once you’re up there, you won’t even notice. Once you’re on the ship in general, what she looks like to those who aren’t on the ship won’t matter to you in the slightest, because you won’t see it. You can’t. You’re ON the ship!

So that? Is a stupid reason not to sail on Epic. Yeah, I said it. Sorry if I offended. But really. It’s just nitpicking at that point, and being unpleasant just to be unpleasant. Get over it. You dislike it that much, stop talking about it and call me to book you on Crystal or Regent or Cunard or AMA Waterways instead. Like you’d be sailing on NCL anyway, y’know?

And for those who don’t like the painted design on the hull, um, have you been under a rock for the last few years, or are you just not paying attention? It’s another nitpicky thing, because NCL has been painting stuff on the hulls of their ships for some time now. If THAT’S all you have to complain about, again, I say either get on the ship so you can’t see it, or book another line. But having a whinge about that? Does not make you look like the savviest of cruisers.

In all, she’s got some rough edges to work out, and there are some improvements to be made especially in the cuisine, but she’s a gorgeously appointed, well thought-out, filled with fun, MASSIVE ship. I wish her nothing but smooth sailing in the years to come, and I wish that during that time, I get to sail with her again. Be it in a Studio cabin all by my lonesome, in a New Wave Balcony cabin, in a Spa Deluxe Balcony, or in a Courtyard Villa, I will be a happy passenger nonetheless. Care to join me?

Yes, you’re on a ship, and by their very nature, they move. The difference between a modern cruise ship and, say, a ferry or a sailboat is vast.

Cruise ships are basically floating hotels with entertainment districts attached. Not only does the sheer size of the thing minimize the feeling of movement, but most are equipped with stabilizers as well, which greatly reduces the amount of movement that passengers feel. Will it all go away? No. You’ll still feel a little of it and honestly, that’s part of the fun!

If you want a cabin that will feel the least amount of movement, you’ll want to be lower on the ship and in the midship section. Simple physics states that the closer you are to the center of gravity or the fulcrum point, the less movement there will be. Aft cabins also feel less ship movement caused by water, but may feel more engine shimmy. Forward cabins will feel no engine shimmy, but more water-caused ship movement. The higher up in the decks you go, the more movement you’ll likely feel as well.

One of the things I recommend to clients who say they are prone to motion sickness is to absolutely NOT get an inside cabin. Even a porthole cabin is better, because you’ll be able to look out and your eye will be able to reconcile the motion that you’re feeling with a visual confirmation of that motion outside the ship. An inside cabin has, as you might have suspected, no window to anywhere and therefore no way to let your brain get its bearings.

“So what if I get seasick?”

There are a number of remedies for motion sickness, and each one is going to have a different effectiveness level and side effects. With any of them, your mileage may vary.

The classic is, of course, Dramamine. While there are those who can take Dramamine with no problems whatsoever, there are others who find themselves with dry mouth and drowsiness from it. Who wants to be sleepy for their whole vacation?

Others choose the scopalomine transdermal patch, and have great success with that. However, double-vision and more dry mouth are reported with that one. Not for nothin’, but if you’re trying to combat nausea based on your equilibrium being off-kilter, is double-vision really going to help that?

Acupuncture has become wildly popular, and is even being offered on some cruise ships now! Acupuncture can help cure a variety of ills, and has been incredibly effective against seasickness. Although there are those that quail at the thought of needles being anywhere near them, this has virtually no side-effects and is definitely something to consider.

Bonine tablets have been very very popular, with very few (if any) side-effects reported. They’re chewable or quick to dissolve, and should you go to the ship’s infirmary, you’ll likely see a basket filled with pill packets for those who are seasick. Those packets tend to contain bonine. I’d say that if it’s the one thing that ship infirmaries recommend first off (and provide for free), it should definitely be given a close look. I’ve seen for myself the effectiveness of it, and have been impressed.

Another old standby are SeaBands. They’re little terrycloth wristbands with a button that provides pressure on a particular spot on the inner wrist. Acupressure can be as effective as acupuncture in cases like this, and the SeaBands have no side-effects, nor are they something that you need to swalllow. Once again, these are incredibly effective, and one pair can last you years.

All in all, it may take you a day or two to get your sealegs, and if it’s your first cruise, you might be worried at first that you’re going to feel unstable the whole time you’re on the ship. After a while, though, your body will acclimate and you’ll be able to easily ignore most of the ship movement because your body will just move with it instead of fighting against it. There are those of us who greatly enjoy the feeling of movement, because it’s a continuous subtle reminder of where we are. I’m one of those people, but then again, I’m one of those weirdos who likes airplane turbulence as well, so take that as you will. For me, though, there’s nothing more soothing than lying in my cabin with the balcony door open, listening to and smelling the ocean and feeling it rock me to sleep.

Why do I still feel the world moving even when I’m not on the ship anymore?

The French call it “mal de debarquement” and it basically means that your equilibrium is so used to that constant movement, however subtle, that it keeps thinking you’re still doing it. Therefore, you can be on land during a port call or after disembarkation, and every once in a while you’ll feel a “wave”, as though you’re still standing on the ship. Again, for me, I love it because it sort of feels like I’m still on vacation. It’ll usually go away within 12-24 hours, and having a nap or a good night’s sleep will help your body readjust to being back on terra firma and give you your landlegs back. I think that feeling that, though, is also a signal from our bodies showing just how well we’re able to adapt to different environments. Generally, but the end of a sailing, you won’t hardly notice the movement of the ship at all unless you’re really working at it. That means that your body is doing its job and compensating for that movement. Therefore, it’s not until you take that particular stimulation away that you realize how much compensation work your body’s been doing. Personally, I find stuff like that pretty neat, but if you’re unsettled by it, keep your bonine or Dramamine handy and relax. It’ll be gone in a day or two.

As of right now, they’re saying that the port will be ready for January. Matter of fact, there are a number of Holland America and Royal Caribbean itineraries that include that port through the end of the year. They’ve found recently, though, that the port is not quite up to their standards. As such, they’ve been re-routing to either Ocho Rios or Montego Bay. With such large ships as Allure Of The Seas scheduled to be coming in to that port and having it not be a tender port (meaning they’ll be able to dock right there instead of having to drop anchor a ways out and use tender boats to transfer people to and from the island), I imagine that the cruise lines are becoming rather anxious indeed for not only the port itself to be passing inspection but also for the dock to be complete.

While it is highly unlikely that your ship would skip Jamaica entirely (there are a few that re-route to Grand Cayman instead, but it’s rare), should the port at Falmouth not be up to snuff in time for your sailing, you’ll likely wind up in Montego Bay or Ocho Rios.

Thank you for your question, and please feel free to stop back here when you return from your voyage and let me know what they decided to do!

When she set sail in 2009, Carnival Dream was the largest ship in their fleet at 130,000 tons and housing 3646 passengers. Many of the cruise lines are electing to build ever-larger ships, and are discovering that sometimes, bigger may not always be better.

There are lots of things to recommend the Dream – a 303-foot, 4-deck high corkscrew water slide; lots of innovative dining options including Indian tandoori, New York style deli, Lido Grill, pasta bar, burrito bar, Mongolian Wok, and sushi as well as the standard buffets and main dining rooms (called Crimson and Scarlet, and decorated to match); a huge outdoor screen for movies, concerts, and sporting events; a fantastic adults-only retreat available at no charge (some cruise lines charge a nominal fee to use their adults-only areas); and some new cabin options as well (Cove Balcony cabins which are becoming a cult favourite and family cabins that sleep 5 and have 2 bathrooms), there are a few bumps in the road to be dealt with as well.

As with any cruise vacation, one must take the bad with the good, hoping that the latter outweighs the former. Most of the time, unless you’re one of those who actively seeks out problems and mistakes, the good does outweigh the bad, so it’s not an issue. For some things, such as food, taste is so subjective that it’s difficult to say whether or not it’s actually bad unless it’s really, horribly, noticeably awful.

The good news is that in my research, I only saw one mention of bedbugs. The bad news is that it was fairly recent (last month).

Let’s start, though, with the basics: From all accounts, Port Canaveral really has its act together when it comes to processing passengers in a timely fashion. Everyone has been raving about how happy they are with embarkation and disembarkation. Short, fast lines and thoughtful flow design has been helpful there.

Once on board, one of the first things many people do is find something to eat. Food-wise, I’ve seen and heard a somewhat disturbing amount of complaints about slow, incompetent, and sometimes surly service in the main dining rooms. Not everybody has that experience, but it seems as though it makes no difference if you take an assigned dining time or choose the Anytime Dining option, it’s a crapshoot as to whether or not you’re going to get a good service team or a bad one, and the maitre’d doesn’t seem too terribly concerned in addressing passenger issues in that regard either. Additionally, it seems as though Carnival may be taking a page out of Norwegian’s book and slightly lowering the quality of the main dining room food in order to encourage people to try the other dining options (such as Chef’s Art Steakhouse, $30 per person) that have an upcharge. This is sad, because of all things, Carnival has been known for the quality of their food.

The Gathering, otherwise known as the Lido buffet, apparently has a few seating and a few flow issues to work out. Just about everyone has complained that, especially at breakfast, the placement of the food and action stations doesn’t make any sense. If you go to get your bacon and hash browns and then get in line to have made-to-order eggs or an omelet, your side dishes will get cold. If you do things the other way round, your omelet will get cold. Other than that, though, the food seems to be fairly standard and not too many people had complaints.

The burrito bar doesn’t seem to have flour tortillas, but that seems to be the only complaint so far that I’ve noticed with any regularity.

The Indian Tandoori has tasty chutneys, warm naan, and different biryani and curry dishes, though without the spice that some have come to expect from their Indian food. Again, because taste is so subjective, it’s difficult to say if this is a good thing or a bad thing.

At the pasta bar, somebody will hand you a slip of paper with your options on (sauce, pasta, meat, etc.), which you then check off and hand to the chef. Your food is prepared fresh and brought to your table. So far, I’ve heard virtually no complaints about the pasta bar.

The Mongolian Wok is much like any other Mongolian bbq place you’ve visited. You choose which type of noodles you’d like (rice or egg), which sauce you’d like (a spicy Szechuan, a teriyaki bbq, or a black bean), and then your vegetables and meats. They fry it all up for you and into a bowl it goes! Rumour has it that the Szechuan sauce actually has a decent amount of kick to it, but again, your mileage may vary.

The NY style deli is basically sandwiches, both hot and cold, as well as grilled panini. Nothing really sensational about it, but it’s a good fallback position if nothing else appeals.

Lido Grill will do burgers and hot dogs and suchlike, relatively standard fare. The sneaky trick is, if you want grilled chicken, all you have to do is ask. They have it, but they don’t put it out as a standard offering.

There is also complimentary sushi to be had pretty much every day for a limited amount of time. It probably won’t be as good as your own favourite sushi place, and the offerings will be largely amateur (tuna, California Roll, various cooked things), but you’re on a cruise ship and you’re not paying extra for it. Eat it or don’t, but if you choose to eat it, it would be unwise to compare it to any real sushi restaurant on land.

The one complaint I heard about all of the specialty venues (Pasta, Mongolian, Tandoori, Burrito bar) is that their hours are so limited (noon to 2:30, I believe) that many people don’t get to utilise them and sample the wares. It seems to me that with all the space they’ve built for them, it’s a bit silly not to get more use out of them.

A word about the cabins: Because of the design of this particular ship, there are some balcony cabins on decks 6,7,8, and 9 that have perhaps less privacy on their balconies than would be preferred. Deck 5 is the Promenade deck, and there’s a Lanai area with cantilevered whirlpools on both sides of the ship that extends out further than the upper decks. Due to that, many of those balcony cabins look not out onto the ocean, but out onto these whirlpool deck areas. Ones to watch out for specifically are cabin numbers ending in 395 and 401 on decks 6-9, but one would imagine that cabins right near those would experience the same challenge.

Also regarding the balcony cabins, it would seem as though Carnival has decided to continue using standard doors that swing open (and slam closed loudly) rather than sliding doors on its balconies. This can be somewhat upsetting to one’s neighbours if you’ve suddenly forgotten how to close a door quietly. Granted, if you’re dealing with ocean winds and you happen to have the a/c on in your cabin, it can create quite a bit of pull, but please keep this in mind and exercise caution and manners when closing your balcony door, especially in the mornings or late at night.

When it comes to the aforementioned whirlpools, many reports have stated that the temperatures are not up to par. Many of them seem to be rather tepid if not downright cold.

The waterslides are loads of fun, but apparently the joints where the pieces meet can be a bit rough. Wear a one-piece swimsuit or a t-shirt, or risk having a bit of a red, irritated back.

If going to the fitness center is something that you enjoy on a cruise, please beware that the one on the Dream is rather a bit smaller than others, and reports of equipment being non-functional on a regular basis have come in.

Show-wise, Dancin’ In The Street in the main theater seems to be a resounding hit. The comedy shows are also hugely popular, but if you want to get to one of the adults-only shows, you would be wise to show up at least 45 minutes prior to showtime. The Burgundy Lounge in which it is held is packed to the gills by about 10 minutes before the show, including standing room.

Whatever genius thought that a laser show on an open deck in the middle of the ocean was a good idea really needs to have a stern talking-to. There’s enough breeze off of the ocean even when the ship isn’t moving to make it impractical. However, when she IS moving (which she is while the show is going on), the air movement blows away everything that the fog machines put out, rendering the lasers invisible. I don’t need to hear songs from Rush, Pink Floyd, or Styx (which accompany the nonexistant show) quite that badly.

There are many reports of a Phantom Smell – sewage-y, old seawatery, moldy? Some people only smell it once and are never bothered by it again, others are plagued throughout their entire voyage. Also, the soundproofing in the cabins and the in-cabin hair dryers could both use some updating and improving.

Bring a power strip unless you want to juggle all of your chargers for your camera, laptop, cell phone, iPod, and whatever. There’s one outlet in the room.

Decor-wise, she’s definitely more understated than her sisters in the Carnival fleet, but in this case, it mainly means that the designers have switched from neon to LEDs, which you will find in abundance.

They are working with new facial-recognition software, as Norwegian has started using on EPIC, for all of the photos on board. While there are still a few bugs to be worked out, I find that I tend to prefer this over the Wall Of Shame standard that most other lines are still using. If they can make it work, then awesome.

It feels as though I’ve done a lot of highlighting the negative here, and I’m not happy with that, because there are certainly things to recommend Dream. However, I’m finding that the bigger the ships get, the more trouble the lines seem to have with making the experience be as good as it is on smaller ships. They get so wrapped up in what it IS that they tend to forget the basics of what made them the money to be able to do this in the first plcae, and that’s pampering their guests, feeding them delicious food, having functional craft, and delivering fantastic vacations. It seems like, these days, they’re building these giant ships so that the ship is doing the work for them, and that sort of mindset is not going to lead to happy, returning customers. Also, perhaps in an effort to be more green (it’s the only thing I can think of, honestly), Carnival isn’t giving out guest feedback cards at the end of the voyage. Instead, one is emailed to either whoever booked the sailing or whoever is considered “head of household” on the cabin, after you’ve arrived back home. I’m not totally sure how I feel about this, but I’m fairly certain that I don’t like it.

When YOU go, I’m anxious to hear how you like it. Please don’t hesitate to stop back here and let me know!

As of now, this is going to be about questions and answers.  Mostly about travel, I think, because I’ve been in the industry for years, I’ve certainly got a few stories, and I’ve found that whenever I tell people what I do, they have questions.  So here, you may ask at will.

Currently, I specialise in cruises and all-inclusives, but mostly cruises.  It’s a whole different world from the corporate travel I used to book when I was last living on the East Coast, and there was lots for me to learn.  There still is.  But I met that challenge with a vengeance and managed to get top-level certifications with a number of different cruise lines (certainly all of the major ones).  I love travel.  I love TO travel.  I love to tell stories.  And I love to answer questions.

I am moving again soon, which is why the PayPal button is also here.  If you feel that I’ve given you good advice, if you feel that my expertise is worth something, if you feel that I’ve saved you money or energy or hassle, please feel free to drop a contribution my way.  A cross-country move is never cheap, but I’m doing it as inexpensively as I possibly can (as well as selling off and giving away many of my belongings).  There is a better life waiting for me back East, and while I’ve had a number of noteworthy experiences in Los Angeles, 5 years is definitely time enough for me to be able to tell that this is just not my kind of town.  State.  Region. Whatever. In any case, I’ll take all the help I can get, and every single contribution will be appreciated tremendously.

So…bring ‘em on! You can ask in the comments, and as soon as I figure out how to do a mailto link and which address I’m using, you’ll be able to email questions to me as well. Ask anonymously or put your name on it. Ask for advice on what to pack, whom to tip, what cruise lines might work for you, whatever. I’m here to answer your questions, and I’m sure I’ll have a few stories to tell and informative articles to write along the way. After all, I’ve found that no matter what profession I’m in, I find stories to tell, but now that I make a living getting people to go away, the stories just get funnier.

Who’s up first?