ABC's and S-E-X
Question: What did the pornagrapher get on his SATs?
Answer: Drool.
There has been a lot of talk recently, and a lot of writing in the porn industry. The word "mainstream" has been bandied about with wild abandon. Porn directors are using explosions and car chases in their features, the filming of which has been covered on local newscasts. There is a movie out right now about a porn star who lives next door. There is a huge-ass billboard in the middle of freakin' Times Square with Jenna Jameson and Belladonna on it, promoting their new movie. Mainstream.
Now, with the recent HIV issue in the adult industry, the mainstream media is focusing upon us even more closely upon. Now normally, I wouldn't think that this mainstream focus would necessarily be a bad thing, as long as it's handled correctly. As long as the people who chose to speak do so with the integrity and smarts that it deserves.
The industry, however, is up in arms. Some people are talking that perhaps aren't the best goodwill ambassadors, it would seem. I have heard and read quite a bit about how "we don't need so-and-so representing us and being an idiot on national TV". It's just like when a tornado goes through an area, they pick the most inbred looking hick bastards to say stupid things in magazine interviews and on the nightly news.
Now, there's a lot of really really smart people in the industry. Like, REALLY smart people. They are concerned that the people eager for the spotlight will paint them as idiots. However, they do not need the media-whores to do this. They do it themselves.
How? Easy! Laziness.
Now, before I go on, I'd like to tell you that this is not just the pet peeve of a former spelling bee champion. Oh, no. I am not alone in this. Nor am I the first to complain loudly about it. Perhaps, since this has happened before, somebody might wanna pay attention.
The right-wing government wants the world to view the Jizz Bizz as a bunch of degenerate morons, fueled by nothing but the most base of motivations: fucking. Quite a few people would have consumers believe that if they happen to indulge in pornography or sex toys or anything suchlike, they are just as much of a degenerate moron as those who make it. Why ON EARTH would you want to prove them all right? Why would you choose to prove both things to your customers?
All right, I'll get to the fucking point. Here it is: Smut is a multi-billion dollar industry. YOU'D THINK ONE OF YOU BASTARDS COULD AFFORD TO LEARN HOW TO USE A SPELLCHECK!!!
Okay, seriously. If you are putting out a website on a regular basis, could you take the two minutes to spellcheck the damn thing? Maybe ask a friend with a fresh pair of eyes to give it a quick once-over, just to make sure that you don't present yourself as cataclysmically retarded. I can't tell you how many websites, magazines and box covers I read every day that look as though they were written by people on their fourth trip through the third grade.
Playboy Magazine does not have fuckups like this. Those people can write their asses off. So can the folks at Penthouse and Hustler. That, however, is where it seems to end as far as magazines go. Even Playgirl has bad issues, right in their monthly "Message From The Editor"!!! If a magazine editor can't even get it right, I have severe fucking despair.
Same thing on the web. I read several sites daily. I read them for news, entertainment, things to ponder, different points of view. Some of these people are brilliant and while their writing may not be perfect, they know the basic difference between "they're", "their" and "there". The difference between "you're" and "your" is apparently a bit more difficult, but they do their best. (I've noticed a marked improvement lately in a couple of the sites, and while I don't know the reason for it, I am eternally grateful.) There are some sites that I read that seem to be written by smart people, but they can only convey that if you can read the whole thing, and it can be torturous because the spelling and the grammar are ATROCIOUS! Even industry news sites are guilty! AVN (Adult Video News) has issues with proofreading, but not as bad as some of the others. I'm sorry, AdultFYI.com. You've got some smart SMART people writing there. Can you please ask them to proofread their shit??? The worst perpetrator of these crimes, though, is a site that calls itself a "news network". That would be fine and dandy, except that no real and legitimate news network would put a caveat all over the site stating that if you don't like typos or suck-ass grammar, you should go away. I am so pissed off at this site that I'm not even linking to the motherfucker.
Then, of course, there's the box covers and press releases. If you are working as a PR Person and can't manage to string together a coherent sentence, it's time for you to fuck off and go work at Tommy's slingin' chili cheeseburgers. If you are designing box covers and are just too freakin' stoned to spell a starlet's name the same way on the front and back cover, you need to have a fucking twinkie already and step away from the computer. After that nice bud has worn off, go call the guy doing the credits for the damn movie and ask HIM how he spelled her name in the front credits. Then ask how he spelled it in the end credits. Do they match? Probably not. Oh, and how about the actual blurb on the box? Okay, here's a big question: What's the one body part that makes the straight adult industry a good majority of its money? Y'know, that thing between a woman's legs? Yeah. That. It's called a VAGINA. Spelled V.A.G.I.N.A. If you can't get it RIGHT, just use the word "pussy". But only in the singular, please, because you bastards can't be bothered to conjugate it properly. The plural of "pussy" is NOT "pussy's", you illiterate bastards. Also, nobody is ever "cuming". The word "cume" is for a totally different industry. It's "cumming". Get it right, or find another word.
So there. Basically, that's the deal. When you decide that it's not worth the time to proofread (cuz who reads the damn WORDS anyhow, right? WRONG!), you not only make yourself look stupid, you make the industry as a whole look stupid and you insult the consumer.
Now that I've vented my spleen, I'm sure there are questions.
"Who the fuck do you think you are, anyhow?"
Sorry you didn't get the memo. I'm the Empress of Everything. (Hey, if that guy can call himself a "news network", I can call myself anything I damn well please.) Thank you. Please drive through.
"Are you just gonna bitch at us, or are you gonna DO something about it?"
Well, actually, I AM gonna do something about it. However, what I do totally depends upon you. See, I may not be a Nice Woman, but I am a kind and benevolent Empress. So here is what I will do: If you have something you wish to have proofread, I will proofread it. Proofreading is free. If it is fine and needs no correction, I will certainly tell you (and will probably adore you). If, however, if needs correction, I will also let you know. You wanna know what the mistakes are, or want me to fix them? I will do so for a nominal fee. I work cheap. I will work for small PayPal donations to go in the Get Crickett To LA Fund. I will work for swag. You hook me up, I hook you up, everybody's happy and fewer people think you're a moron. So. Get to it. Email me with your articles, items, posts, press releases, and potential box covers. I will help you in my rare and precious spare time (usually Monday through Saturday, 5PM-10PM PST). I will do this for you, for me, for the industry.
So there you have it. My rant, and my offer to assist. Do what you will, but ignore it at your own peril.
Hey there, you! Did I make you laugh? Think? Cry? If you liked this site, and would like to help keep it going, please toss a donation my way. I'm trying to get to a porno convention in June, but it's all the way on the other side of the country. Love me! Hate me! I don't care. Just donate to get my ass out there. All else fails, at least I'll get a little vacation and might be less of a twunt the next time I update (although that's doubtful, but it's worth a shot!). Clicky clicky!